"I don’t consider anyplace a home, I’m just a drifter."
- Contestant Lucy, who sounds less like a “free spirit” and more like an actual homeless person who is looking for a house to stay in for a couple weeks*
El Báchélór, Season Premier
*In some seriously eerie prescience, Burning Love had a homeless contestant named Willow the first season.
Anonymous asked: Will you do your thing for Juan Pablo? I'm sure there will be plenty of material for you to use.
I will! Let’s start a wishlist for this season, I’ll start:
1. Someone who poops on the floor, like the girl from Flavor of Love
2. MORE Catfights
3. The return of Contestant Courteney
4. Someone who has graduated from at least grade school
5. MORE murder
Now u go
Anonymous asked: please tell me you'll be blogging Juan Pablo's season
the rumors are true
i am back
pls god don’t let this be as boring as Bachelorette “Des”
"I am an attorney, and with that comes tactics… cross examining and impeaching someone who is not telling the truth. Today Ben will be found guilty of fraud and… impersonating a southern gentleman."
-Hostage Michael, displaying an alarming level of commitment to the idea (his) that Desiree has chosen him specifically to show her what a phony Hostage Ben is.
The Bachelorette, Episode Five